Sandra Pertot

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Welcome to

The Mismatched Libidos Homepage


Desire Discrepancy: Helping couples face the challenges of differences in sexual expectations, wants and needs.  

Mismatched libidos, also known as desire discrepancy, is the most common cause of distress in a sexual relationship. In a culture that is seen as sexually enlightened, it is usually the partner who has “low libido” who is most likely to be seen as the one causing the problem, yet this is an oversimplification of the complexities of an intimate relationship. Libido is much more than how often a person wants sex: it encompasses many elements, including what triggers arousal and what dampens it, the importance of sex compared to other parts of a relationship, the meaning of sex for each individual, what is pleasurable during sexual activity, and so on.

The lack of recognition of the tremendous variety in human sexuality often leads to significant misunderstandings in many couples relationship. This web site is devoted to promoting a “different but equal” framework for couples to understand their own and their partner’s sexuality, and to work through differences in sexual expectations, wants and needs with tolerance, respect and generosity.